Hello, friend. You're probably a person of great taste and culture. In fact, you probably have more culture in your index finger than all the culture possessed by Ancient Rome.

I want your powers.

However, nothing in this world is perfect-- your impeccable class and poise notwithstanding-- and you probably have a few quirky mannerisms that the world may be a little better off without.
Luckily, you have stumbled upon this article! And considering a random college blogger is the best friend to have, I'll make good with that reputation by helping you clean up those disgusting habits that pull you down from reaching Godhood.

All those stars are mad at you. You are too classy.

Take deep breaths, because I am going to take you on a journey of self-discovery. An analogy for this would go something like a teacher and a student....go on a trip... and... things.

#1 When you are masticating, please close your mouth.

 Masticating is a verb. Quite literally, it means to chew-- I just like using long words so I can pretend to look more smarter than everyone else. Heh-heh.

When you're chewing on a dead animal, please have the courtesy of not being a degenerate by keeping your mouth closed. It goes without saying that when you ruin someone's appetite by showing them partially chewed dead animal meat, they are going to hate you for it.

I dare you. Open your mouth one more time, and I will shank you.

#2 If you do not share an opinion, do not spontaneously turn into an asshole.

 The best thing about opinions is that everyone has one. However, as with all things, there are bound to be a few sucky opinions out there in the world-- so heads up!

In the world, you are supposed to share a lot of things. You are supposed to share stuff like Oxygen, but that rule doesn't apply to stuff like opinions. Sooner or later you're going to meet a few people that just straight-up have terrible opinions on stuff like alternative music being bad; spicy food being terrible, reading being a queer man's hobby. 

No matter how uncool their opinions may seem, it is still totally more uncool to flip out over them.

Just relax, take deep breaths, and murder their families one by one in your head.

"Ohh. You think books are lame, huh? That's okay. I'm under the opinion that your face is disgusting."

 
#3 Hold doors for women if you are a man, and say thank you if you are a woman.

 This one is sort of like a free point. Any person that has ever watched even a single teen film will realize that (when you're a guy) when you hold doors for women you are automatically better than every other male in the room by a figure of 50%*
*I am not really a statistician, I just pulled that number out of my ass

It goes the same way for ladies that when a guy actually does this for them that they should say "thank you", because if you don't-- then I hate you.

And that's it! 3 simple things to remember to immediately possess Tact, the most wonderful power of all.

This post is amazingly incoherent because, things.